A Study on Ruth (Part 2)

Last year, I decided to study the book of Ruth. I'd been having a hard time getting into the Word and I knew that there were hidden truths in Ruth that I had yet to discover. It was my first independent, personal, and in-depth study on a book in the Bible and it was a very special time. In fact, I can't help but wish I could go back, just to experience it for the first time all over again!

What I share here are my personal notes. I'm not an authority on the book and I'm sure there are more profound commentaries available. (I read this one as I was doing my own study, which gave me clarity on a few verses that I was having trouble with; this is another one which I'm reading now.) But if it can aid anyone, even one person, then here goes.

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A Study on Ruth (Part II)

Ruth 2:1-2

And Naomi had a kinsman of her husband's, a mighty man of wealth, of the family of Elimelech; and his name was Boaz.

And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter.

Doesn't that first verse just give you a little shiver? And his name was Boaz. 

He was a relative of Naomi's husband. A kinsman. And he was "a mighty man of wealth." The Bible, as I have learned, does not use the word mighty lightly. This was a man of exceeding wealth and power. And he was a kinsman to Naomi - a relative, yes, but a redeemer. I am sure there are many profound definitions to this word but all I know is this: to redeem means to set free or to vindicate. A redeemer is one who delivers or rescues.

And Boaz's name? It means By Strength. 

We are introduced to him just as Ruth makes the momentous declaration: "Let me go to the field and glean... after him in whose sight I shall find grace."

These words really stood out to me. Ruth sought grace - someone who would be merciful to her and her plight. Somebody who would be gracious and kind. This is a clue.

Knowing from the previous verse that Boaz is a wealthy man of might and power, the eventual redeemer, I see a picture of Christ unfolding. Christ the Redeemer in whose eyes we find grace and favor. The choice of words is not coincidental.

Ruth 2:3

And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers: and her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.

I find it so amazing that she just happened to find herself in the part of the field belonging to Boaz. It makes me think of Proverbs 16:9, "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps." This was no coincidence! God literally ordered Ruth's steps that she might find herself in this man's field - this man who would literally change the course of her life and through their union, the lives of millions to come!

If I ever doubt that God might forget me or forget to "order the steps" that might lead me into my future, let me remember this verse and the teaching it provides. I might not be able to flip ahead to the latter chapters of my story and see the incredible way that God chooses to map out my life, but I can trust that He is mapping it out in this very moment, in this tiny capsule of time in which I draw breath.

Ruth 2:4-7

And, behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The Lord be with you. And they answered him, The Lord bless thee.
Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this?
And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab:
And she said, I pray you, let me glean and gather after the reapers among the sheaves: so she came, and hath continued even from the morning until now, that she tarried a little in the house.

When I first did this study, I remember how it struck me, the way Boaz greeted his reapers. This man was a gentleman. He was not your average foreman or overseer. He was a man of faith, as the substance of his greeting clearly implies, and he was a gracious man in the sense that he greeted his laborers with such evident respect and civility. They respond in kind, leading me to believe that they must have greatly respected this foreman of theirs.

Boaz immediately notices Ruth. I wonder what made her stand out. Was it her appearance? Did she look different than the other Israelite women? Was it her garb, the way she dressed? Was she simply a new face in a crowd of the familiar? Perhaps it was all this and more... perhaps it was the Lord, pulling his eyes to look at this one woman, working amongst so many others, as he stood surveying his fields.

The reapers explain her origins. It is suggested in the later verses that they may have said more than what is written here. They tell him that she is a Moabitess. He is also told of her hard work and willingness.

Ruth 2:8-9

Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens:
Let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn.

I wonder if this conversation began here or if more was shared between them. Boaz tells Ruth - "Stay here. Don't go gather in other fields. Stay - or abide - here with my maidens." Not only does he give her equal standing with the other Israelite girls (remember she was both a stranger and a foreigner) but he gives her his protection. He charges the young men not to touch her and makes provision for her needs.

Let us for a moment think of the meaning of this and how it relates to Christ:

He is mighty, powerful, and wealthy. He is the Redeemer. Our provider and protector. He gathers us, the "strangers," into His sheepfold and lavishes us with His kindness. We find grace in His eyes, though we have done nothing to merit it. Boaz is a representation of Christ. And Ruth is the church - the Bride.

The book of Ruth is heralded as a supreme romantic story... that's because it is. It's a picture of the romance between our Lord Jesus Christ and us, His Bride, the church.

Ruth 2:10-12

Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?
And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore.
The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.

When I was doing this study, I finished up my private prayer journal and started a new one. These were the exact words I wrote on the first page:

I'm in the second chapter of my Ruth Bible study and I am suddenly seeing the whole book - and Jesus - in a new light. Boaz is a picture of Jesus, the mighty, powerful, rich Redeemer, the Gentleman that greets His servants with a blessing, who singles out the stranger to inquire after them - and then knowing their past and where they came from, adopts them into the sheepfold, lavishing them with His protection and provision. I have never seen it so clearly nor have had a more clear depiction of this strong, mighty, gracious Lord of mine... 

Ruth falls on her face and bows herself to Boaz, saying, "Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?"

There is no response but Ruth's response when we realize that we, strangers, "Gentiles," are looked upon and taken knowledge of by a King, the King, with unmerited grace in His eyes. Her response is one of deep humility, deep gratitude and brokenness. You can see her heart in this, crying, oh Lord, what have I done to receive this favor?

And Boaz answers by saying that it has been fully showed to him, all that Ruth has done - her heart, so to speak. How she left everything behind for the sake of love of her mother-in-law, how she left her people and her land, and how she's come unto a place that she never knew before. He blesses her for it and he prays that the Lord would reward her.

This reminds me of how the Lord called the disciples to leave everything behind in order to follow Him. When the rich man asked, "What must I do to be saved?" Jesus answered, "Go and sell everything you have and follow Me."

Ruth did leave everything behind in order to follow Naomi. She left her home, her family, her native land and her people. She did it for the sake of love, of loyalty. And, naturally, this is what Boaz calls attention to. He recognizes that such actions demonstrate Ruth's trust in the Lord. This was how she was able to leave it all - because she trusted in Him.

Ruth 2:13-14

Then she said, Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaidens.
And Boaz said unto her, At mealtime come thou hither, and eat of the bread, and dip thy morsel in the vinegar. And she sat beside the reapers: and he reached her parched corn, and she did eat, and was sufficed, and left.

Her heart is, how can I please you? For you have shown kindness to me and it has comforted me - it's won me over. 

He invites her to come and eat with him - at his table, so to speak. The verse goes on to say that she sat with the reapers and was obviously in close vicinity to Boaz for he "reached" her parched corn (passed it to her). He literally fed her until she was satisfied. Her needs were met; she was full. It's a beautiful picture of what happens when we eat at the table of the Lord and feast upon His Word. We are made satisfied in Him.

Ruth 2:15-18

And when she was risen up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, Let her glean even among the sheaves, and reproach her not:
And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not.
So she gleaned in the field until even, and beat out that she had gleaned: and it was about an ephah of barley.
And she took it up, and went into the city: and her mother in law saw what she had gleaned: and she brought forth, and gave to her that she had reserved after she was sufficed.

Ruth "rises up" to glean, to do to her work, her labor of love, and Boaz again commands his men concerning their behavior towards her - not to reproach her, and also to let some handfuls fall on purpose for her.

The Lord makes provision for us when we go out to do our "labor of love." He uses others to bless us by His command and all the while He protects us. Let me always remember this when I go about my tasks, that the Lord will make provision for me in my work and He will protect me in all that I do.

Ruth 2:19-20

And her mother in law said unto her, Where hast thou gleaned to day? and where wroughtest thou? blessed be he that did take knowledge of thee. And she shewed her mother in law with whom she had wrought, and said, The man's name with whom I wrought to day is Boaz.
And Naomi said unto her daughter in law, Blessed be he of the Lord, who hath not left off his kindness to the living and to the dead. And Naomi said unto her, The man is near of kin unto us, one of our next kinsmen.

I remember getting the impression from verse 18 that Ruth brought to Naomi what she had reserved from Boaz's table. As in, she ate until she was satisfied and then she went away with more to spare, which she then brought home to her mother-in-law. And isn't this what happens when we sit and feast with our Lord?

After we have our fill at the table of the Lord, we are then able to bring His bread to others so that they might taste and eat of it, too.

"Blessed is he of the Lord," Naomi proclaims, "who hath not left off his kindness to the living and the dead."

The Lord in His great kindness did take knowledge of both the living and the dead when He made provision for our salvation. In the same token, Boaz's kindness saved Ruth and Naomi.

Ruth 2:21-23

And Ruth the Moabitess said, He said unto me also, Thou shalt keep fast by my young men, until they have ended all my harvest.
And Naomi said unto Ruth her daughter in law, It is good, my daughter, that thou go out with his maidens, that they meet thee not in any other field.
So she kept fast by the maidens of Boaz to glean unto the end of barley harvest and of wheat harvest; and dwelt with her mother in law.

Ruth the Moabitess. Here we have a timely and poignant reminder of who Ruth is and where she came out of (a heathen nation entrenched in sinfulness). So are we to never forget from whence we came and out of what we have been saved.

Ruth tells Naomi that Boaz told her to remain, or "keep fast," by his young men until the end of the harvest. Boaz called them "my men" and "my harvest." They are his men to command and they are doing his work for the purpose of bringing in his harvest. The same could be said for Christ. We are to glean in His fields until the work is complete and the harvest is taken in.

Naomi confirms this by encouraging Ruth to obey Boaz's instruction: to remain with his maidens, that no one might see her working in another field. I think that one possible meaning to this is that the world should know in Whose field you belong. Go where God sends you and remain there. It should be clear to all Whose you are and Whom you serve.

So Ruth "keeps fast" and does as Boaz instructed her unto the end of the barley and wheat harvest.

My Family's Homeschool

One of my original reasons for starting this blog was writing about my family's homeschool and the role I play in it. I'm a second-generation homeschooler, meaning I was homeschooled and now I'm homeschooling. Homeschooling my siblings, yes, but homeschooling nonetheless. It's a little bit norm-defying - trust me, I know!

A Little Backstory

I always had a thing for teaching. As a young teenager, I went through a season of working with two of my preschool-aged brothers. I had my own teacher's corner with a bookshelf, a table, and a little chalkboard. I'd grown up on books like the Little House series and Anne of Green Gables so the small classroom feeling was one I loved. And, like I said before, I did like the idea of being a teacher

when I grew up.

That desire morphed and changed as I got older. I know enough about public schools (and other standardized methods of education) to know that I don't agree with the methods, I don't agree with the process. I believe that children learn best one-on-one (or at least in smaller groups) with a teacher that tailor-makes their curriculum to best meet their needs. No two children are the same. They should not be forced into cookie-cutter boxes and assigned labels. Thus, my preference and love for homeschool.

But that's a ramble for another day!

Why I Love Homeschool

I believe that homeschool is the best thing for my siblings. I don't believe that children should be sent to state-run schools and spend the majority of their childhood and life away from their families and their home.

I love seeing that spark in my little brother's eye when he finally gets something. I love watching him gain new understanding and branch out in his creativity. I love introducing new things to him and watching him grow. I love exploring history with him and learning about new places on the map. I'm learning so much even as I teach him!

It's very rewarding (albeit challenging). And, not for nothing, but I'm not blind to that fact that I am a) getting a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to enjoy a unique and special relationship with my brother, one I hope he cherishes for all time, and b) garnering priceless experience and knowledge that can later be applied in my future - wherever God takes me.

Homeschool, in a single word, is a blessing. And it's one I hope more and more Christian parents embrace, especially considering the times we are in.

The Role I Play

With some recent changes that my family has undergone, I have found myself assuming more and more responsibility. My mother has always run things, for the most part, but we used to have roles assigned to different members of the family. I was never in the managing position of homeschool, but with things being the way they are now, I've found myself managing a whole lot more than I used to!

My main role is being teacher to "my little humdinger" as I call him. I've been teaching him since last

year, when he was finishing up third grade. I'm going to write a little more about my experience working with him in another post; it has been quite a journey!

Now I've taken on overseeing the rest of my siblings' work. I'm monitoring their progress and setting up their curricula for next year. I'm helping my mother iron out certain details and trying to track down good deals for books. It's a lot of fun!

I don't always feel like I know all that much. I feel more incompetent than anything, to be honest. But I know that if God hadn't had me doing what I'm doing right now I would be lost. If I wasn't working with my brother right now, he wouldn't be getting all of his needs met. My mother has been handling a lot lately; being able to relieve her of this responsibility has been a relief for both of us.

To be honest, homeschooling has helped me in so many ways. I was in a dark place for a long time. I felt purposeless and broken. God gave me this task right when I needed it most. Pouring my time and energy into homeschool has given me back my purpose... it has kept me in a place of active servitude, rather than idle pathos. And I'm not sure if its right to admit this, but I like being needed. I like feeling like I'm making a difference. It gives me a chance to do something of eternal worth. And I wouldn't trade that gift for anything.

Praying for a Lost Sibling

It is perhaps the most painful and personal ache I have ever experienced.

It is a kind of spiritual rejection which only Christ can heal. It is a rift, a tear, a hole in the ties of sibling-hood, and it is grievous.

A lost sibling doesn't only mean lost in the sense of spiritual darkness. The definition of lost that I have experienced is a loss of friendship, a loss of closeness, a loss of presence. It is spiritual darkness with the added grief of estrangement.

My heart holds fast a vision for the future: a vision of restoration and healing. A vision of strengthened bonds and forgiven pasts. Though my heart aches, I lean on Christ. Though I doubt things could ever be the same, I pray that God would water in my heart a deep love that covers the multitude of losses that have incurred.

I believe that now is the time of fervent prayer. Now is the time to accost Heaven on their behalf. Now is the time for intercession - unceasing, unyielding intercession. Though the enemy seems to have them in his grasp, I will cling all the harder to their souls in prayer, and so it may be that these tears and these broken prayers will snatch them from the fire.

A Study on Ruth (Part 1)

Since I was a little girl, the Book of Ruth held special meaning to me. I'd been named after Ruth, and whenever I flipped to that part of my Bible, I lingered over the title page, reveling in the girlish notion that I was named after the woman who got her very own book in the Bible and who had one of the greatest romantic stories therein. I used to read the story to myself, never really understanding the picture of grace that it contains, much less the picture of Christ that it gives.

Last year, I decided to study the book of Ruth. I'd been having a hard time getting into the Word and I knew that there were hidden truths in Ruth that I had yet to discover. It was my first independent, personal, and in-depth study on a book in the Bible and it was a very special time. In fact, I can't help but wish I could go back, just to experience it for the first time all over again!

I once read a paragraph from a commentary on Ruth which, for a long time, gave me a kind of skewed perspective of it. The commentary said that Ruth was just a nice romance story, with no great meaning or purpose. This couldn't be farther from the truth!

What I share here are my personal notes. I'm not an authority on the book and I'm sure there are more profound commentaries available. (I read this one as I was doing my own study, which gave me clarity on a few verses that I was having trouble with; this is another one which I'm reading now.) But if it can aid anyone, even one person, then here goes:

• A Study on Ruth (Part 1)

A note on this study:
I covered the first chapter of Ruth over the course of several days, so feel free to break down this post however you want. This will be a four-part series with each post covering one chapter of Ruth. 

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A Study on Ruth

A few notes that my Bible (which is an Open Bible, KJV) offers:

• Ruth took place in the days when the judges ruled
• Talmudic tradition says it was written by Samuel (the Prophet)
• The time of Ruth was a time of warfare, moral decay, violence, etc.

Ruth 1:1-2

Now it came to pass in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehemjudah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he, and his wife, and his two sons.
And the name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife Naomi, and the name of his two sons Mahlon and Chilion, Ephrathites of Bethlehemjudah. And they came into the country of Moab, and continued there.

Famine in the land of Israel - why should there have been a famine in the land of God's people? This seems to me like there may have been a spiritual famine going on, resulting in an actual famine - perhaps this was a physical manifestation of what was happening spiritually.
Elimelech (meaning: God is King) takes his wife and two sons and goes to sojourn (sojourn: to stay somewhere temporarily) in the land of Moab.

Moab was a pagan city. The Moabites worshiped false gods. Why would Elimelech, an Israelite man, take his family to live there? Did the Lord send him there? Or was this an unwillingness to endure chastening - thereby causing this man to go running to a place that could offer him comfort and reprieve from the trials?

Moab, according to the commentary I read, serves as a picture of the world. Elimelech wanted to provide for his family but his decision to sojourn in this worldly, sinful place is unjustifiable - if the Lord didn't send him there, that is. Our sojourning into the realm of sin and rebellion, even if temporary in our eyes, will always have consequences.

Ruth 1:3-5

And Elimelech Naomi's husband died; and she was left, and her two sons.
And they took them wives of the women of Moab; the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth: and they dwelled there about ten years.
And Mahlon and Chilion died also both of them; and the woman was left of her two sons and her husband.

Moab, according to Genesis 19:37, was the tribe birthed out of the incestuous relations between Lot and one of his daughters. After Elimelech's death, his sons - Mahlon (meaning "sick") and Chilion ("pining") - take Moabite women as their wives. Wives of the world - wives out of this cursed lineage. God has always been clear throughout history that His children are not to marry "outside the camp." It seems that Mahlon and Chilion disobeyed this mandate. Perhaps their disobedience resulted in their early demises.

Ruth 1:6-7

Then she arose with her daughters in law, that she might return from the country of Moab: for she had heard in the country of Moab how that the Lord had visited his people in giving them bread.
Wherefore she went forth out of the place where she was, and her two daughters in law with her; and they went on the way to return unto the land of Judah.

Naomi arose after hearing in Moab that the Lord had visited his people and provided them food. The Israelites, it seems, endured their affliction and were blessed for it. Naomi, a backslidden woman abiding in a worldly place, hears of their prosperity and decides to return. I see a picture of the prodigal son in Naomi - she goes to partake of the comforts the world and it leaves her broken and grief-stricken. She considers, as the prodigal son did, that her current circumstances are of want and loneliness. Why should she suffer further? She will return to the land of her fathers and there at least she will be provided for.

Her daughters in law seem willing enough at first. Ruth (meaning "friendship," amongst other things) is the widow of Mahlon and Orphah ("stubbornness") is Chilion's widow. The two go with Naomi with no cited reluctance.

Further notes -

• the goodness of the Lord is spoken about in all nations, even the sinful ones such as Moab.
• "wherefore she went out of the place where she was" - a strange land, a place of grief, a place of forsaking... out of these places God draws us.

Ruth 1:8-9

And Naomi said unto her two daughters in law, Go, return each to her mother's house: the Lord deal kindly with you, as ye have dealt with the dead, and with me.
The Lord grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Then she kissed them; and they lifted up their voice, and wept.

It occurred to me that both Orpah and Ruth lived ten years in the home of Naomi and her sons - this means they were married into an Israelite household and were probably expected to serve in a manner that complied with the Israelite customs and behaviors. No doubt they heard much about the God of the Israelites and His laws and ordinances. The Bible doesn't say if they forsook their own gods or if Mahlon and Chilion allowed them to do as they pleased in this area, but of interesting note is the fact that neither marriage brought forth fruit: they were married ten years and yet neither couple had children.

Whatever the case, there was clearly some affection shared between the three women, as they all wept when Naomi spoke these words.

Ruth 1:10-14

And they said unto her, Surely we will return with thee unto thy people.
And Naomi said, Turn again, my daughters: why will ye go with me? are there yet any more sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands?
Turn again, my daughters, go your way; for I am too old to have an husband. If I should say, I have hope, if I should have an husband also to night, and should also bear sons;
Would ye tarry for them till they were grown? would ye stay for them from having husbands? nay, my daughters; for it grieveth me much for your sakes that the hand of the Lord is gone out against me.
And they lifted up their voice, and wept again: and Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her.

Here it is revealed that Naomi believes the hand of the Lord has gone out against her. She is being drawn out of the world and yet, a part of her is still bitter against Him for the losses she has incurred therein. She urges the girls to remain in the land of their people and to find new husbands. Orpah, at first, joins in Ruth's declaration that they will stay with her and return to the land of her people. But as Naomi speaks further, Orpah is swayed - for Naomi has nothing more to offer her. This displays a kind of covetousness  in Orpah. It reveals the shallowness of her devotion to Naomi. Naomi has nothing to offer her therefore she will remain in the world where she is comfortable, where she can go on serving her own gods her own way. This is not true devotion. 

At stark contrast is Ruth's response. She clave, or clung, to Naomi. Nothing Naomi could say would sway her: she held fast. 

Looked up other examples of the word "cleave" in my Bible's concordance; these were the Scriptures cited:

• Joshua 23:8 - "But cleave unto the Lord your God, as ye have done unto this day."

(It's amazing because the previous verse, vs. 7, almost perfectly illustrates what Ruth is doing: in cleaving to Naomi, she is not returning or remaining in the wicked land of Moab, neither is she "mentioning" their gods, neither is she serving them or bowing herself to them.)

• Acts 11:23 - Here, Barnabas is exhorting the believers in Antioch to "with purpose of heart, cleave unto the Lord." 
• Romans 12:9 - "...cleave to that which is good."
• Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:5 - "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

So, in the contexts in which this word is used, we are shown pictures of what it means to cleave and what we are to cleave to -

1. Cleave to the Lord
2. Cleave to that which is good
3. (For a man) Cleave to your wife (and vice versa, obviously)

Ruth, in cleaving to Naomi, was essentially (and effectively) cleaving to the Lord, to the goodness she must have seen evident in Naomi's life, and (little did she know) to the future marriage that God had in store for her in the likes of Boaz.

Ruth 1:15-18

And she said, Behold, thy sister in law is gone back unto her people, and unto her gods: return thou after thy sister in law.
And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.
When she saw that she was stedfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her.

Naomi entreats her one last time: look at your sister in law. Consider the weight of the decision you are making. Naomi knows it is a momentous one. Oh, but the beauty of Ruth's response!

She says, in essence: "Don't keep me from following you and don't ask me to leave you. For where you go I will go; where you stay, I will stay; your people will be my people and your God will be my God." 

This is a picture of the adoption spoken of in Romans. This is an example of what it means to cling to the Lord! You will follow Him no matter the cost; you will not be put off or deterred. Where He leads, you will follow. Where He stays you will stay. You will follow Him unto the death and even death will not part you!

It reminds me of Romans 8:38-39:

"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Ruth was steadfast in her devotion.

Steadfast -

• fixed in direction
• steadily directed
• firm in person, resolute, faith, attachment
• very devoted, loyal to a person, unchanging

Hebrew root meaning - 

• to be alert
• to be courageous
• strong
• establish, fortify, harden, increase, prevail, strengthen
• make strong

I want my heart to be steadfast like Ruth's!

Ruth 1:19-22

So they two went until they came to Bethlehem. And it came to pass, when they were come to Bethlehem, that all the city was moved about them, and they said, Is this Naomi?
And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me.
I went out full and the Lord hath brought me home again empty: why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the Lord hath testified against me, and the Almighty hath afflicted me?
So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess, her daughter in law, with her, which returned out of the country of Moab: and they came to Bethlehem in the beginning of barley harvest.

Naomi's grief and bitterness is very evident in these verses. She has been drawn back to the land of her fathers and yet she has these things against the Lord which she is not willing to give up just yet. Her loss was great, it is true. She left Israel a wife and a mother. She came back a widow, and a childless one at that. But I don't think she fully realized the restoration that God was bringing about. She came out of the world but instead of praising the Lord for drawing her out, she is accusing Him of taking everything away from her.

We may know a few Naomis in our lives. We may even find traces of her within ourselves. Here, I am reminded of the Israelites when God brought them out of Egypt. Their praise was short-lived; they soon took to complaining and accusing God of everything that was taken away from them. Do we do this too? When God takes us out of the world, do we complain of the comforts that we've been deprived of, not recognizing the comfort of all comforts that the Lord wishes to give us?

I am convicted as I write this for I have been doing this very thing as of late. I have been magnifying my losses over the blessing of my salvation. The gift of my adoption has grown dim as I've fretted over the afflictions I've undergone. Lord, give me a heart like Ruth's - a heart that is steadfast in the face of loss, a heart that cleaves unto You even in the darkest pain.

Reflections

I want to cleave unto the Lord the way Ruth clave unto Noemi: immovably, steadfastly, lovingly, desperately, devotedly.

Verse to memorize:

"But cleave unto the Lord your God as ye have done unto this day."

Joshua 23:8

Overcoming Resentment in the Home

As women, the majority of us are in the home, home-making. We're the ones in the crux of the diaper field, the ones with our arms elbow-deep in soap suds, the ones with sweat dripping down our brows as we scrub at that weird stain on the bottom of the fridge door. Home is our mission field. It's our domain. And with that domain often comes the little dramas and follies that prove whether we are of the Martha nature or the Mary. It's the ground where we become the Proverbs 31 woman - the woman full of grace, tending to her home, laughing as she looks into the future.

I was led to write about this topic last week as I faced a flood of thoughts tainted with resentment.

The Situation

It'd been a long, hard day. The kids were unusually loud and rambunctious. School was a series of exhausted lectures. Evening came and the kitchen was a disaster, my sister (who usually makes our bread for breakfast) wasn't feeling well, and it seemed like everyone was on their own planet, doing their own thing.

I was in the middle of doing some blog related work when my sister called me over to ask if I wouldn't mind doing the bread. I can't say my reaction (blank-faced stare) was very commendable.

I'd cooked a huge meal for lunch while cleaning out the fridge and supervising my little brother. (And then cleaning the whole mess up.) I'd spent the afternoon attempting to inspire my little humdinger (my 9 year old student of a brother) to apply himself in the learning about Earth's atmospheres - with little success. Four o' clock had come around and I had tiredly dropped in front of the computer, notes in hand, preparing for "my time."

My time, as in, my time to think. My time to work on my blog. My time to write. My time to make something of myself.

The request to make the bread infuriated me. Did I have a target sign painted on my forehead, beckoning for one and all to call on me for absolutely everything? Couldn't she have asked somebody else? Why did everything seem to fall on my shoulders?

What more, looking around me, I found plenty of people to resent for not stepping up to the plate. No one else had done as much that day, of that I was certain. In fact, I could have probably given a running itinerary for everybody in the house, proving how little they did compared to me.
Oh, the self-pity ran deep!

I marched myself back to the computer, sat down with a huff, and stared at my notes. Notes I'd written about blog posts I wanted to write, things I wanted to create - all rooted in Christian theologies and teachings. It shamed me. I sighed and went to the kitchen, surveying the mess that I'd forgotten I was supposed to clean.

In the end, I didn't have to make the bread. My younger sister stepped up to the plate while I wiped down the table, put away the food, and washed all the dishes. But as I was standing there up to my elbows in suds, I realized how intense my resentment was against certain people in the house who I felt weren't doing enough.

It was self-pity and resentment but also anger. And it felt awful. I'm no stranger to it - I've been struggling against this nasty combo since I was a young teenager - but I've come to a place of no longer wanting to indulge in it. My own relationship with the Lord suffers when I do. It's something I desperately want to overcome.

The Key

When the enticing urge to pity yourself arises, allow it no mercy in your life.
I fail here often, but it's an area I'm slowly growing in. Cut it at the quick. The moment it pops up and you recognize it, put the proverbial knife to its throat. A single moment of self-pity is a slippery slide downhill - and getting back up again is hard. Really hard. Silence it before it can wreak much havoc.
From there, change your inner tune.

Stop painting yourself as the victim whilst condemning everyone else, and think about what God is doing in your life at this precise moment. What could God be teaching you? (That's right - what is He teaching you while you stand exhausted at the kitchen sink, covered in soap and sweat, wanting to pass out from exhaustion, while everyone else seems to be doing less... What. Is. He. Teaching. YOU?)

The Lesson

My thoughts went a little something like this:

Well, He must be teaching me about what kind of reaction I shouldn't have when I'm interrupted from doing what I want to be doing. (You see the real root of the issue? I'd "done" my good works for the day; I'd gone above and beyond... and more was required of me? What about MY time? What about the things I had to get done? Despite the earnest appeal in that kind of train of thought, there's a great deal of selfishness involved there as well. A root that God will persistently reach for and dig at in order to uproot.)

In fact, He could be teaching me how to respond with grace and willingness when the call to go the extra mile is made. (Death to self.)

And to take it a step further, if God does indeed have a future for me that includes marriage, motherhood, and home-making, how intensely necessary would a lesson of this sort be to me in those years?

You see, when I take my eyes off self and I consider the eternal purposes of these little moments and lessons, the situation takes on a different colored hue.

If I can just perceive my private troubles and trials as training ground... if I can just look at the process of my stretching as a GIFT and not a curse... how much more of a benefit will I glean from it all?!

It may hurt now but how much grace could abound in me if I only would surrender and stop clinging so desperately to my rights? What kind of vessel could God be training me to be? How can I get out of the way so He can do His job more fully? These are the kinds of questions we must ask ourselves.

The Purpose

God desires to bring forth in us the fruit of the Spirit. Not of the flesh. And He uses these seemingly trite situations to do just that. He cuts away at the ungodly roots; He tills our soil and brings forth the kind of beautiful aromas that will glorify Him.

It's the heart of the Christian walk. Self-denial. Self-sacrifice. Self-forgetfulness.

If Jesus calls us to walk as He walked... to do as He did... to pick up our crosses and follow Him... then we must realize that such a walk is a blood-spattered road. We will not always enjoy refinement. We will not always want to abase ourselves.

But we have this hope: that God does a great work in us and through us. That we are His workmanship, the vessels of His HOLY Spirit. Our lives are not our own.

Embrace wherever God has you - in whatever phase of life He has you. And fret not: He is doing His work in you right now, in this very moment. Trust Him. Let go. Bow down. Relinquish. The resentment washes away. The exhaustion is forgotten. Joy takes it's place.

And fruit awaits you!

My Great Tragedy

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

- Vicki Harrison 

My Past

I have narrated the tragedies of my life on so many occasions that it almost wearies me to talk of them now.

There was being evicted from our home at nine. That was the first time CPS tried to actively remove us kids from our parents' custody. They failed. Then there was the actual removal, which happened five months later. There was a visit from two social workers in the morning and then twenty-seven police officers that night and the sound of my siblings sobbing.

Fifty-three days later we were returned home. Sick. Reeling. Forever scarred.

Five months after that, my eight year old brother died.

Our story hit the press. There were cameramen and reporters at our gate and horrible stories in the newspapers. Every day we faced the fear that they would take us again. Two more babies came along. The sickness that had come home with us (impetigo) had infected my "step" mother while she was pregnant.

Her baby - my brother - died at five weeks old, only three months after we lost Matthew.

Two months later - after repeated attempts - CPS came and took me and my siblings once more.
We were taken to a group home ("the institution," as we called it) on the other side of the island. We spent ten months there.

They tried to charge my father and step mother with negligent homicide - this for not taking the baby to the ER soon enough. They were eventually proven not guilty.

There was the rise and fall of brief fame. The shocking exposure and then the inevitable obscurity. The putting back of our family was documented but not followed. The pieces of our life had been thrown into the air and when the pieces fell, we found them jagged, broken, and misfitted.

Nothing is the same. This was ten years ago but in some ways, we're still recovering.

This was the Great Tragedy of my life, and yet tragedy has followed us through the passing of the years - some just as severe as the original.

Why Do We Suffer?

I have come to the conclusion that although our experiences seem strange and jarring - and were inexplicably painful to undergo - this is the life of a Christian. This is the walk we were called to.

To suffer for Christ's sake is our ministry. It is the life to which we should be accustomed. His grace proves sufficient in the gravest and darkest of times and He always sees us through. Although I would never wish to relive the things we were made to undergo, I understand that there was a purpose for them, a purpose that will one day be made clear to me.

A Successive Heartbreak

In recent months, I have had to experience a different kind of heartbreak. The kind I thought couldn't touch my family - the kind rooted in estrangement, betrayal, abandonment, and accusations. It is a totally different kind of brokenness.

It wakes up with me every day. It follows me into bed at night. It's darkness - a soul darkness in which I clutch blindly at Jesus, wondering if there can even be relief. The doubt that tears at me - dear God, do I even know You? Would this have happened if we had done something different - if we were different?

It was a successive heartbreak. Every day. Every moment. My faith - that which had not been touched before - was beaten with what felt like iron rods. I was crumbling - dying, it felt like - and it didn't stop. It wouldn't stop.

What could I do? Succumb to it? No! I clung all the tighter to Jesus. Lord, deliver me lest I fall! was my cry. The darkness was bewildering - overwhelming. I was reeling, and felt like I was being dragged through the valley of the shadow of death by my hair. Every new accusation - every rumor - was a fresh stab through my already bleeding chest.

Have the accusations stopped? No, they reached a horrifying peak before the Lord gently pulled us over the hurdle. Have they become fewer and less shocking? Yes... But the weight of these months presses on me. It's a burden almost too great too bear.

Jesus, help us, Jesus, help us, I have pleaded.

And He does.

Moment by moment. Bit by bit. A little extra grace and strength. The comfort of His presence. The proof of little prayers being answered. The long, uneventful days that slowly wash away the pain.

"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience..." 

Romans 5:3

I think that a true man or woman of God is one acquainted with much suffering. You may know a few of them. They are the broken ones with heads bowed, faces creased with grief, and yet alive with the truth. They are the trusting, the meek, and the faithful.

When the dust has settled, I can almost kiss the cross that weighs so heavily on my back. I may be bleeding from my wounds, but if it His hands that will tend me, then I will bleed gladly.  If this cross will draw me closer to the One who carried the Cross of all crosses, then I will not cast it to the side.

Though He slay me, yet will I praise Him.

The Desire for Independence

At twenty-two years old, my life does not compare to the average young woman's.

I'm not in college, studying for a degree. I'm not working a job, supporting myself. I'm not married, having my first kid. I am not entrenched in foreign lands, doing missionary work.

I'm living at home, helping raise my siblings. I'm homeschooling my little brother and helping my mother manage the rest. I'm waiting, and learning to live in the waiting, surrendering to the refining.

"Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands."

Seasons

Last night, it suddenly occurred to me that I must learn to enjoy every season of the life that God has given me.

I often do this. I fantasize about alternate realities. I dream of easier days. I paint the kind of future I want in my mind and I breeze about life in the now, only partially present, putting off true happiness and fulfillment until everything looks the way I want it to.

In the same token, I realized that I often refuse myself the joy of truly loving and embracing my current circumstances because society has vilified it so extensively. Society says that I should be doing very different things at this stage of my life. Society says that I'm not where I should be. Society has taught me that my age is a window, which time is dragging me by all too quickly. Hurry, hurry, hurry, society cries. You are losing time.

Society

Silencing society's oppressive voice has been particularly difficult for me. I have a sensitive nature. I take very seriously - too seriously - what others think about me. I am crippled by criticism and I take accusations (which one of a more secure personality would probably dismiss) whether founded or not to heart.

It's oppression cleverly shrouded in a cloak of seeming truths. Selfishness and self-pity rear their ugly heads in time with the doubts and seek to overwhelm me. And I must resist them. I must overcome.
The Lord stands on His high hill and beckons me - "Come up higher." He waits, hand outstretched, for me to forsake the worldly voices that threaten reproach and revilement. "We'll reject you," they tell me. "You will be an outcast."

And Beauty, that traitor, taps insistently on my shoulder: "Youth can only be yours so long. You'll lose your chances of making anything of yourself the longer you wait on this God of yours. Surely He can't expect you to sit there forever while age and time ravage you. God helps those who help themselves..."

The voices of loved ones long gone echo in my mind as I survey their curse's seeming fulfillment: "You'll never do anything with your life. You'll never be anyone. You'll wile away your days on a bed with a book. And what good are you to the world that way?"

Dear Lord, my heart cries. How long? 

"When obedience to God contradicts what I think will give me pleasure, let me ask myself if I love him."

Trusting God

I wait on You, do I not? I trust in You. My life is Yours. And You have chosen this "standstill." You have chosen this time for quietness and servitude. You have kept from me the typical reins of independence afforded so many women my age these days and You have kept me dependent. Dependent on You.

You are losing time, society tells me. I am the Keeper of time, You say. I will not always be young and beautiful, I say. Beauty is fleeting, You remind. I want independence! I cry. But I want you dependent on Me, You proclaim.

The war goes on and yet my Lord always wins. I have you here, He tells me. This life I have given you is one of joy and blessing, can't you see? Or are your eyes so blinded by the world's expectations? 

Do you see in the eyes of these little ones the happiness your presence gives? Do you hear in their marked comments how they dread losing you? Do you see the faults and the sins I once brought you out of now trying to ensnare them? They have ground in need of tending and I have given you them. I have you HERE. For them. For Me. For you. 

My Purpose At Home

God has given me my home as my missionary field. Why should God send me to the unbelievers and the lost when so many precious souls, with whom I daily reside, are as yet not totally won? Why should He thrust me into an ever-darkening world, wholly unprepared and wholly unrefined, when I am not ready? He weaves a tapestry out of my life and every day He threads new purpose, new substance.

And so I lay down my desire for independence and I put to rest my impatient cries. I surrender to His timing and I embrace this season of sisterhood and servitude. I will find joy in the stage at which God holds me and I will stop expecting tomorrow alone to bring fulfillment. There is work to be done in this time - God forbid I should neglect it.

Do with me what Thou wilt, becomes my prayer. To Thee I surrender.

"We never know what God has up His sleeve. You never know what might happen; you only know what you have to do now."

Quotes by Elisabeth Elliot.